Author: Krista Osborne

Theme:  Looking Ahead

Saturday Senses: Day 22

Task: Mental Health First Aid Kit

Today I want you to make a Mental Health First Aid Kit.  For some of you literal types you will need to get yourself a shoe box and start filling it up.  For others you can make a handy list in case of a mental health crisis.  The idea is that when you are in crisis you often can’t think of what you need so if you have your mental health first aid kit, you won’t have to rely on remembering what you should be doing.

In your Mental Health First Aid kit include something for each of your five senses.  You can look for hints in the tasks we have already done.  For example, your theme song likely belongs in your first aid kit.

Hearing:  What songs/sounds would you need to calm yourself down?  Can you sit and imagine it or do you need to have it on hand?

Taste: What are your comfort foods?  Some junk food ones are inevitably on the list.  The good thing is these are easily on hand. Try to also include a list of things that you love.  Maybe a recipe for your Grandma’s peanut butter cookies or a particularly good roast.

Smell: What are comforting smells to you?  For me it is Indian food.  The smell just makes me happy.  For some it is lotions or candles.  Whatever it is put it in your kit.

Touch: What feels good? For my kids it is their PJs and their stuffies.  It could be a pet’s fur (please don’t put your pets in the box), or a favorite sweater.  Find something that can help ground you when times are stressful.  In my office I keep Play-Doh and those dollar store squishy balloon animals for clients’ moments of unrest.

Sight: What do you like to look at to calm down?  Can you go there in your imagination or do you need a picture to remind you?  Put it in your First Aid Kit.

Don’t forget to include your positive affirmation from previous weeks and a reminder to take care of your basic needs first.  If all else fails, look here for a pre-made kit.

Silly Sunday: Day 23

Task: People Watch

Here is a variation on our take a walk exercise.  Living in the here and now is a hard task.  Today I want you to people watch.  Find a bench and sit.  I used to do this as a child and make up stories about the people around me and their lives.  There were many spies and secret affairs in my imagination. What is in yours?

Manic Monday: Day 24

Task: Take a Day Off

Most of us are doing too much.  Our minds and bodies don’t have time to slow down and enjoy all that life has to offer.  Today I want you to think about what is important in your life and what is not. Then I want you to figure out how you can simplify at least one thing just for today.  That may mean playing a board game with your kids instead of cleaning the kitchen, it may mean ordering dinner instead of cooking.  Maybe it means just not answering the phone. The answer is up to you.  Just take the day off whatever it is.   Keep it simple though, taking the day off work may or may not be possible.  I don’t want your employers coming after me.

Tension Tuesday: Day 25

Task: Get Creative

I hope you have some crayons, finger paints or Play-Doh hanging around.  If you don’t, a simple pen and paper will do.   We are all creative souls.  Today I want you to create something that represents your mental wellness.  Don’t judge, just do.  It doesn’t have to be anything.  It is just for you.

 

Weird Wednesday: Day 26

Task:  Eat an Apple

This is an exercise in mindfulness.  The idea is to take your time and experience the apple. This should take 3-5 min.  If you don’t have an apple then any piece of fruit or other food will do.  Let’s get started.  Notice the apple.  What does it look like? What does it smell like?  What is its shape?  What does it taste like?  Are you able to focus on the experience or are you distracted?

Take the few minutes to really be present.  Eat it slowly and try to be present and in the experience, that means no reading, texting, or Facebooking while eating your apple.  In a world full of busyness we often don’t take the time to really be present in the moment.   One of the foundations of good mental health is being present for yourself and those around you.

Thoughtful Thursday: Day 27

Task:  Make a Bucket List

Today I want you to sit down and come up with a list of things that you want to do before you die.  These can be wildly outrageous or small and simple.  The idea is to sit quietly with yourself and look forward to the future and decide what is important to you.

Forward Friday: Day 28

Task: Post what you have learned from this experience.

Gratitude starts with thoughtfulness.  Today I want you to write down what you have learned about yourself and about mental health from this experience.  Many of you may not have completed every task. Don’t judge, you did what you needed to do.  Many of you did it all silently watching from the sidelines but engaged in your heart.  Good for you.  Some were here religiously jumping right in.  However you experienced this Boot Camp, take a moment and think about how you made time for you.   If you want to share, I would love to hear your thoughts.  If you want to keep that personal, that is okay too.  Just make sure to give yourself a pat on the back for taking care of you.

Thanks for coming along on this journey. I hope you enjoyed it!

Theme: Pay it Forward

I love the idea of paying forward.  I love it so much that I not only included it one day a week of our Boot Camp but also wanted to focus on it for a whole week.  Kindness is a positive way of getting out of your own head to see things from a different perspective.  For me, I incorporate volunteering as a regular part of my life.  I do this because it is good for my community but also because it is good for me.  For others, these acts of kindness are less scripted and more random.  We have all heard of the kind souls that buy people’s coffee in the drive through.  The point is however you pay it forward  it should feel good and not like a chore.

Saturday Senses: Day 15

Task:  Free Hugs

What is better for your senses than a hug?  I know that some of us aren’t as physically affectionate as others but everyone likes a hug from the right person at the right time.  Today’s Pay it Forward task is to give away some hugs.   You may need to step outside your comfort zone but it will be worth it.  Free Tip:  Ask first or it might not go very well.

Silly Sunday: Day 16

Task: Bubbles

Bubbles are my “go to” mental health trick with most of my clients regardless of age.  People like bubbles.  It teaches you how to breath properly when you are panicking and usually adds an element of silly which often brings a smile.   Today I want you to dig out some bubbles from the kids cabinet or head to the dollar store and pick up some bubbles.  Take 5 minutes to make a room full of bubbles.  Because it is pay it forward week I want you to share your bubbles.  That could mean with your family, colleagues or random strangers at the mall.  I don’t care, just have fun with it.  And don’t forget to tell us what you did.  A pic might help too.

Manic Monday: Day 17

Task:  Take What You Need

A few years ago in a cafe in Victoria I found a sign that said “Take What You Need.”  On it there was pull off tabs that people could rip of and take with them.  I thought it was one of the most brilliant things.  Today I want you to make one of these and post it somewhere.  I had one on my office door for months.  It was amazing what conversations it started.  I found it fascinating what people took.  Some people would show up at my office and ask for a tally on what people seemed to need that day.

Tension Tuesday: Day 18

Task:  Makes Someone Laugh

Laughter is the best stress reliever.  When I have clients in sessions I don’t think I am doing my job if we aren’t laughing at least some of the time.  Today’s task is to make someone laugh.  It is good for your health and for your relationships.  Don’t forget to tell us how it went.

Weird Wednesday: Day 19

Task:  Call a Friend

Today I want you to take some time out of your day and call someone that you haven’t spoken to in far too long.  You know who I mean.  That person that you keep meaning on calling but life gets in the way.  Not the person that is gonna guilt trip you about it but will understand, no matter how long it has been.  You will be glad you did.

Thoughtful Thursday: Day 20

Task: More TED

Today I want you to think about the power of kindness.  So today your task on this thoughtful Thursday is to watch another TED Talk on kindness.

Forward Friday: Day 21

Task:  Random Act of Kindness

Today is a day to get creative.  Most of us have heard Random Act of Kindness.  Today I want you to go out and do some.  They could be big or small.  Just set an intention and do it.  I would love to hear what you came up with.

I sure hope that you have been enjoying camp as much as I have.  Keep up the good work! If you are just joining us now for the first time for Mental Health Boot Camp, we are glad to have you.  Feel free to take a minute to read the Overview and what we were up to on Week 1 to get caught up.

Here is your next week’s worth of tasks.  I will send out reminders daily via Facebook and Twitter for those that need the reminder or for those of you that like the surprise.

Week 2 Theme: Gratitude

There have been many self-help books recently that have focused on the power of gratitude.  “The Book of Awesome” by Neil Pasricha, and “A Simple Act of Gratitude” by John Kralik are a couple that come to mind.  Spending time thinking and appreciating what we have in our life is an important way to stay mentally healthy.  Being grateful is very difficult during hard times.  This week we are going to start practicing gratitude.

Saturday Senses: Day 8

Task: Take a Picture

Creativity is an underestimated asset in our lives.  We are all creative, just in different ways.  Often in life we get stuck in a rut and creativity is an excellent way to get out of it.

Today I want you to look at your world from a different angle or point of view.   Get out your camera (or phone) and take a picture.  The theme is gratefulness.  There are no judgments here about skill or content.  Just have fun with it.

Silly Sunday: Day 9

Task: Victory Dance

Never underestimate the power of a good victory dance.  I want you to think about one small (or big) thing that went well today and I want you to do a victory dance.  This could be a long interpretive dance alone in your living room or a shuffle with your spouse at the mall.  Spend the day looking for the perfect moment and go for it.  Don’t forget to share.

Manic Monday: Day 10

Task: Nostalgia

I want you to dig out an old photo album.  In this day and age this may mean heading to Flickr or YouTube.  The point is I want you to get nostalgic.  You may need to put some time aside for this task as often looking a few pictures or videos can lead to looking at many.  While you are looking at old memories, I want you to pay attention, notice how your body feels, think about the smells, sounds and anything else that comes to mind.  Think about who was involved in those memories.  How did you feel about them then and now?

Tension Tuesday: Day 11

Task:  Go for a Walk

Today you are going out in the world.  Nature is one of the best antidepressants out there.  If it is cold, bundle up.  If you really can’t get out there at least find a window with a view.  Take 10-20 min to just be with nature.  No cheating with ipods and cellphones.  The point is to slow down and notice all the sights, sounds and smells around you.  For many of you techno geeks, the idea of being quiet in nature with no distractions might make you twitchy.  Work through it.  We are increasingly so overstimulated with gadgets and stuff it is hard to just be.  We find it boring.  Believe it or not, boring is good for us.  Constant arousal is hard on our mind and our body.  I will forgive a pic of where you walked if you want to share.

Weird Wednesday: Day 12

Task: Personal Affirmation

For those of you old enough to remember to good old days of SNL, you may remember Stuart Smalley.  He used to do positive affirmations in the mirror saying “I’m good enough and I’m smart enough and gosh darn it people like me.”  Well today is a tribute to Stuart.  I want you to come up with a positive affirmation for yourself.  I want you to spend the day thinking about what you really appreciate about yourself and write it down.  Take a Post-it Note and stick in on your mirror, put it as a note in your lunch or make it part of your screen saver.  Now I know that the affirmation itself may be weird to post around the house.  If you would rather use one word or a symbol to remind you of your affirmation. that’s okay too.

Thoughtful Thursday: Day 13

Task: Focus on what went right

Today we will focus on what went right.  When we are in a down we naturally focus on what isn’t working.  A few weeks ago I was emptying a puke bucket for my daughter and cleaning up all sorts of other disgusting fluids.  I missed a night out with my husband and got no sleep.  Once I accepted my fate of laundry, fevers and sleeping with a delusional fitful kid, I reminded myself of what a privilege it is to be her Mom.  I am lucky that I am the one she wants when she feels her worst.

Today I want you to walk through your day and try to focus your attention on what went right.  Some days it may only be a green light, other days there will be plenty to celebrate.  At the end of the day, take inventory.

Forward Friday: Day 14

Task: Send a Thank You Note

Here it is again, Pay-it-Forward Friday.  Today we are going to share our gratitude with others.  Today I want you to send a thank you note to someone.  It needs to be sincere, and thoughtful.  You can send it by email, snail mail, Facebook or hot air balloon.  It could be someone you know or a random stranger.  Set your intention and do it.  Be creative and let us know how it goes.

Two more weeks to go.  I know it can be hard to find the time but you are worth it.

Welcome to the first week of Mental Health Boot Camp. Wondering what this is all about? Read this post to learn more. Now, away we go!

Theme for the Week:  Foundations

Have you ever read Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?  It is a theory in psychology that basically states that before a person can deal with existential issues like, fulfillment, meaning and spirituality, there are foundational things that need to be in place like food, shelter, and safety.  In other words, if you aren’t taking care of the basics of life than you can’t hope to deal with the more complex things. Continue reading “Mental Health Boot Camp: Week 1”

Despite my distaste for New Year’s resolutions I find myself everyday doing squats, planks and push ups.  Honestly it all feels a little silly.  My daughter walked in on my push ups the other day looked at me and said “Really, Mom?”  I think the comment had more to do with my attire than the push up but I felt ridiculous.  Why do I do it then? Well I know there is this other group of people in the Facebook world that are doing it too.  It is motivating.  A community, even of virtual strangers, can be powerful. Continue reading “Mental Health Boot Camp”

Every time I meet a new class of students I inevitably get that awkward moment when one of them asks, “How do you talk to people about loss and not get depressed?”  I always answer with something like this, “Well when you do what you love it isn’t hard.”  It is a trite answer that I often feel comes across as self-aggrandizing.  I always think it reinforces to them that I somehow think I am better than them.   I hate it but I can’t think of a quick way to move on to something more important, like their education.

The truth is that I have a hard time putting into words why I do what I do.  The truth is that I like to feel like a superhero.  Like Batman, I often visualize myself responding to the beacon of distress.  For years in my job I had a pager that went off when someone needed help dealing with people in some pretty dramatic and risky situations.  This didn’t help what I affectionately call my superhero complex.

As you might guess, this is not a good quality in a therapist.  No one really wants to be treated like a damsel in distress.  Even if they do it isn’t the path to good mental health.  It is a fast track to burn out. None of us can be everything to everyone that needs us.  Superman, Batman and Spiderman all have learned this lesson while fighting crime.  The difference is that I am real and they are not.  I have worked hard on folding up my cape and putting it in the closet.  Every once in a while I still find myself trying it on, being a parent will do that to you.

In the past few years I have started to understand my drive differently.  I love my job for many reasons that are hard to explain.  Mostly I love my job because I am proud of my clients and I am honoured that they trust me enough to share some of the most intimate parts of themselves with me.   I get to see people with their masks off, even if I just get a peak.  You get to see someone’s true character when things are at their worst.  It is sort of like having ex-ray vision but more personal and less creepy.

We live in a time of helicopter parenting, status updates, therapy in 140 words or less and other quick fixes.  It seems to me that we all need to take off our capes every once in a while and appreciate the strength hidden all around us.  It is even within you.  I can tell because I have ex-ray vision.

This time of year, like many of you I fall into the trap of self-criticism and longing.  I want to be happier, 10 lbs smaller and more successful.  I see Facebook posts and tweets about eating better, exercising more and tackling the dirty house.  Sometimes this even translates into my office.  People come with new vigor about tackling their relationships or managing their anxiety better.

We all know that resolutions are a motivational tool.  They can help us focus and move towards better health.  This is a good thing, isn’t it?  Well, sometimes.  I believe that resolutions are also part of a bigger problem.  They are excellent revenue sources for gyms, weight loss programs and yes, even therapists.  It is another cog in our consumerist society.    We also know that most resolutions are destined to fail.

The reason is this.  THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!  Any book, blog, trainer, therapist or program that tells you otherwise isn’t worth the money you are paying for them.

Your over-eating, lazy, narcissistic self-loathing is happening for a reason. It isn’t a bad thing: it just is what it is. It has likely gotten you this far in life for good reasons.  You do it because of your past trauma, hurt, worry, stress and any other number of crappy things that have happened over the course of your life.  We all have crap, just varying degrees of it.  You have been shaped by your experiences for the good, the bad and the ugly.

What is wrong is our society and how we collectively judge ourselves and each other.  The key to any kind of change is accepting yourself, thunder thighs, dust bunnies and all.  Only then will you be able to see things clearly and know what you truly need and want changed.

So after years of training, two undergrad degrees, one Master’s degree and countless hours of listening to people talk about how they want to see their lives change, I can tell you that the best piece of advice I  have ever been given came from an SNL skit.  In the words of Stuart Smalley, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and dog gone it, people like me.”

Now excuse me, I have some squats to do.  I want to get in shape in 2014.

More than a decade ago I was working on my Bachelor of Social Work.  During that time I had the privilege of being mentored during my first practicum by an amazing woman.  Not only was she one of the most compassionate, accepting woman I have run across in my years in a profession full of compassionate accepting people, she was also a self described Buddhist Witch.

I still am not entirely clear what that means.  I have a hard time getting my head around it but I was, and continue to be, fascinated by it.  She told me that her Buddhist practice was about centering herself and working towards enlightenment.  She modestly believed that she had a long way to go on both fronts.  Her Wiccan practice was about honouring the earth, and celebrating the power within nature and the power within us all.  These are lessons I believe are good for all of us regardless of how we practice our faith.

I like to consider myself a realist.  I am not pessimistic about the world.  I don’t believe the world is out to get me, that evil surrounds us or that the life is about putting in time until we die. I think we can be so much more than that. I believe in the power of choice and of humanity.

I also am not an optimist.  I don’t think you can do the work I do and believe wholeheartedly that everything will always work out. Sometimes bad things happen to good people.  Sometimes no matter how hard you work, how much you love and how you hard you try things can fall apart. I believe that you can’t control life but can chose how you will react to it.

For me, winter solstice is a metaphor for my view of the world.  There is a realistic tone to it.  It is the darkest and longest night.  It signals the beginning of the coldest season of the year.  That is terrifying given how cold Fall has already been.  It also symbolizes change.  The sun will begin its return tomorrow.  Slowly the shear power of its heat will start to warm the earth and begin to provide for us again.  Longer days are coming, slowly but undeniably.  For me it is a night of hope.  This is reason to celebrate.

So at Winter Solstice I celebrate quietly.  Every year I mark the day in my mind with the knowledge that no matter how cold the winter will get that eventually it will pass.  All I have to do is wait.  I can’t fight it, or avoid it forever so I might as well embrace what the winter has to offer.  Like life, the winter will eventually change for the better or worse.

Today and tonight I will often find myself imagining a Buddhist witch dancing under the moon.  It always makes me smile.

This past weekend my family pulled out all the boxes and dusted off all the decorations.  It is a family tradition of me gently unwrapping while my children try their hardest to break everything sparkly that they touch.  They are excited and a bit crazy with anticipation.

Since shortly after my husband and I got married we made a tradition of buying an ornament for the tree whenever we traveled.  There are ones from Venice, Hawaii, Dublin, and even one from Regina.  Santa also brings one every year for each of my children commemorating an event or something special about them to remember each year.

This tradition is not by any means unique to our family but the stories are all about us and our history together.  The kids like to pull out the trinket and have Dad explain where we were when we got it.  The kids are thrilled when they remember the stories.  I love every minute of this.  Even though it can be chaotic at times and I am usually convinced that the kids are going to slice open their feet stepping on carelessly tossed glass decorations,  I am also saddened to know that these young years won’t last forever.

There is no doubt that any family holiday can bring with it mixed emotions.  Many people don’t have the positive memories I share with my kids so Christmas and other family holidays they celebrate are an ongoing disappointment.

If you have had a difficult year full of loss and change then the holiday season can bring with it a certain kind of torture, one that is often ignored and covered up by all the tinsel.  Whatever the loss, whether it be of a marriage, job, health or a death, this time of year can be hard.  Whatever the holiday or tradition these tips can help guide you through the crap this year may have brought.

1. Be kind to yourself.

The biggest problem I see in my office is clients that are way too hard on themselves.  They often list a barrage of “shoulds.”  “I should have… I should… If I could just….”.  So if you feel like you “should” do something try asking yourself, “Do I want to?”  If the answer is “NO!” then perhaps prioritizing yourself is a better idea.  People will understand if you give them the chance.

2.Throw yourself a pity party if you need to.

There is a time and a place for feeling sorry for yourself. If you are going to throw a pity party make it a good one. The occasional day of staying in your pajamas and eating Oreos for supper can’t be all bad. Dive right into your feelings and embrace them with everything you have.  Allowing yourself to feel the intensity of emotion is one way to help move past it.  Avoiding feelings only makes them follow you around like a hungry puppy.  So cry until you run out of tears if you need to. I guarantee you will eventually run out of water.

3.There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

There is no map, timeline or pattern.  There are no stages or predictable emotions.  Grief sucks but sometimes it doesn’t.  Grief is different for everyone.  It can be about joy and celebration or it can be about agonizing, longing and self-doubt.  There is no right or wrong way to feel.  Grief just is what it is.

4. Honour your loss.

During particularly intense moments like holidays, anniversaries, birthdays or other reminders of what you lost, it is a good time to acknowledge the absence in your life. Old traditions may help bring comfort or they might be too painful.  Only you will know for yourself.  Try to find some space to honour your loss.  Things may be different now but that doesn’t mean you need to pretend that the good stuff never happened.  Some people light candles, set places at the table or write letters to lost loved ones.  There can be great comfort in rituals and traditions from the past or creating new ones.  You be the judge of what you need.

5. No one will grieve the same way.

This is the most complicated part of grieving. What is important for you may be too painful for someone else in your family. If your spouse isn’t crying that doesn’t mean he/she isn’t sad.

6. Don’t forget the children.

Children are often forgotten in the midst of change.  Whether the loss be to death, divorce or a family move, it is easy to forget that they are hurting too.  Many children use play as an expression of their grief.  Adults often think that this means that they are fine.

Children young and old will take their cues from the adults in their lives.  Be open, honest and patient with them.  Make sure to give them the opportunity to talk about what they have lost and how they feel about it.

7. Try to forgive others their faults.

People are dumb and insensitive fools.  That doesn’t mean they don’t care.  Many will say things they don’t mean, avoid you and just generally not get it.  They don’t know any better.  Remember you have said and done stupid, insensitive things to people who are struggling too.  All we can do is surround ourselves with good people who love us.  If we have good people in our lives then they deserve forgiveness for these faults.   You don’t have to do it alone.

8. You never have to let go.

One of the most damaging myths that is out there about grief is that grief is about letting go.  Your loss means something, something important.  There is no reason to let go of that.  I believe that grief is about finding new ways to hold on.

Life has ups and downs.  This year may have had more downs.  Hopefully next year will have more ups. You can get through the rough stuff.  The reality is that you don’t have much choice.  So be patient with yourself and follow your instincts. If we listen to ourselves we usually have the right answer about what we need.   Trust yourself.

Every time my family drives by a sign by the side of the road that says “Caution Loose Chips,” my daughter ends up in hysterics. She thinks it is about the funniest thing ever.  I have come to believe every mother ends up as the butt of the family jokes.  At least that has been my experience.

My poor mother used to get picked on and teased on family trips. We would often take it a step or two too far and hurt her feelings.  You see we are a sarcastic family  with a biting sense of humour.  My mom is a sensitive soul at least when it comes to her family. She has a lot of time, emotion and money invested in her three children.  She stayed at home to raise us when we were small.  She gave up her career to focus on us.  This is a sacrifice that I didn’t understand until I became a parent. Children can be harsh critics, and hard on your self-esteem.  Society often gives lip service to stay at home moms but little respect.

When I was 7, my mom went back to work and was very successful in her job.  Her organizational skills, people skills and her creativity were well suited to her new career.  She worked her way up to be manager of a local fabric store.  When the pressure of juggling work and family became a bit much, she retired and once again stayed home.  I was 15 at the time and not all that impressed with suddenly having her eyes more focused on me.  My brothers were already adults and working.  For the first time in my life my mother had 100% of her attention on me.  I was used to the divided attention of a third child.

I recall one incident where I was annoyed for having my mom ask me to help do the laundry.  I was angry that I had to always do the “girl” jobs and never got the lawn mowing chore.  So I attempted to storm out of the house.  My mother was kind enough to stop me at the door and point out I wasn’t wearing any pants.  They of course were in the laundry.

My mother will tell you I wasn’t the easiest teenager.  Although compared to what some of my friends were up to I think she actually had it pretty good.  Still as my children grow I can see the wisdom of many of the things my mother used to say.  Things that we still sometimes tease her about.  Like the time she threw frozen peas at my brother.  He made the mistake of  asking when dinner was after everyone in the family had already asked 10 times and no one bothered to make it themselves.  I can still hear the sound of the frozen peas hitting the floor and our stunned silence.  Thank goodness she was the first one to laugh or I think we would have been grounded for life after the laughter that ensued.

My children have similar stories about me.  I have more than my fair share of quirks.  Some of which my family find pretty amusing.  You see, I love chips.  My husband told the kids that every time he drives past one of those signs “Caution Loose Chips” signs on the road, he thinks of me.  He imagines me running around like a mad woman trying to gather up a spilled bowl of chips so as not to waste a single one.  The kids find this hilarious.  No one gets between me and my chips.

I prefer to think of the sign more figuratively.  I am full of “loose chips.” I’m a bit nutty. Being a parent will do that to you.  It will also make you the butt of some jokes.  My mother showed me that it is a right of passage.  I know how I feel about my mom and why we sometimes like to tease her.  I love her with all my heart, mostly because of her quirks.  So I think my family’s teasing of me is the highest compliment I could ever get.