This morning I was looking in the mirror. This past year I have a new crop of grey hair and noticeable crow’s feet. They are undeniable in the bright morning sun. My pores are not as clear as they used to be, my skin not as tight. I most definitely have softer edges all over my body than I used to. I’m not sure how this all happened but it did. The funny thing is that I don’t think I have ever been as comfortable in my own skin.
My recent comfort with my wrinkles comes from a few months of long hard perspective. Life has been chaotic with changing jobs, new responsibilities, and increased professional pressure. My jobs require me to be present to the intense emotions in the lives of others. I love it but it can be draining if I am not taking care of myself.
Recently life has also been chaotic with family. Aging parents and grandparents as well as their health concerns have shifted my perspective back home. This is a pretty common occurrence for middle age. We all go through it at some point or another. Sometimes life has a way of reminding you what is important not with a gentle push but with a giant sledgehammer.
I thought I’d take a moment and share with you some tips that have got me through the last few months.
Tips for Dealing when Life Gets Chaotic
1. Drink Water
I know it sounds crazy that something so small can make such a big difference but your whole system will be out of whack if you aren’t hydrated. You may not be able to control the chaos around you but you can stop for a glass of water.
2. Eat
Even when you don’t think you have time or aren’t hungry. Low blood sugar is the worst culprit when it comes to overreacting to stress. It makes everything seem less manageable and more intense.
3. Breathe
Stop for one minute and take some big breaths. Imagine you are exhaling all the bad energy out and bringing all the positive healing energy in. Breathe all the way down into the deepest part of your lungs.
4. Prioritize
Don’t think about all the things that need to be done. Focus on the most important first. What is the most critical thing to deal with and be present to it. I often have lists in my head. The “who” needs me most always takes priority over the “what needs to be done.” Ignore completely things that don’t matter. No one cares that you haven’t vacuumed.
5. Accept that You Will Drop the Ball
If the chaos lasts long enough then something will get missed. Hopefully you prioritized well so that the thing that gets missed is really the least important. You are human and you will screw up. Try not to dwell on this. I prefer to think that it makes me quirky rather than incompetent.
6. Learn When to say “No”
Most people ask a lot of others, not because they are jerks but because there is nothing wrong with asking. It is okay for them to ask, it is also okay for you to say “No”. A great perspective I once heard is that “when you say no to something, you are saying yes to something else.”
7. Your Energy is a Finite Resource
Don’t waste your energy with people or things that don’t value you as much as you value them. It feels good to be there for people in your life but healthy relationships are reciprocal. You should be able to rely on others to be there for you when you need them.
8. This Too Shall Pass
If you are taking good care of yourself than likely this is a temporary phase in your life. Sometimes no matter how well we plan and take care of ourselves we can’t prepare for what life throws at us. Chaos can come like a tidal wave but it can leave just as fast. Try to ride out the wave rather than fight it. All you have to do is keep your head above the water.
9. Know When to Get Help
If chaos has rented a room in your life than there may be more going on then you care to admit. Trauma, grief, addictions and other struggles can be deep rooted. Often people feel like they are a magnet for chaos. What is more likely the case is that they invite chaos into their lives without even knowing it. If you need more professional help to sort it out than seek it out. There is no shame in reaching out whether it be to a friend or a counsellor.
10. Be Your Best Self
You can’t be everything to everyone but you can be someone to yourself. Even in chaos you can act in ways that make you proud of yourself. I am a big believer that we show our greatest strengths at our darkest times. You will learn what you are made of when chaos comes into your life.
The moral of the story: This year I have earned my wrinkles. I will wear them proudly.