The Contagion of Shame

Today my husband sent me this article from the Calgary Herald on the death of a young boy named Noah.

I was touched by this man’s courage and desire to do something by telling this boy’s story.  Before I was a parent, I worked as a Suicide Prevention worker for a great many years and I worked with many families that lost loved ones to suicide.  I know from these expereinces how devistating suicide can be.   Now that I am a parent my heart breaks when I read or hear stories like this in a whole new way.  It breaks for Noah, it breaks for his family and it breaks for Noah’s friends that will struggle to make sense of a sensless choice.  The isolation Noah felt was too much for him to bear.  While I hate the choice he made, we have no choice but to live with it.  My heart also breaks because after 18 years working in the field, the suicide rates in Alberta have not changed.  If we as a society wanted it enough we could do something about it.

The worst part of a suicide is how the hurt and pain that Noah felt gets passed to all those that loved him.  They are now more at risk of suicide too.  Shame thrives in these depths.  Shame grows in the cold and lonely places in our hearts.  It isolates us from those we love and those that could help us.  Until we are able to talk openly and honestly about suicide it will continue to reach into the lives of those around us.  I hope Noah’s parents are not ashamed of him or what he did with his life.  I am positive he was more than the final desperate decision he made.

If you are thinking of suicide or are worried about someone who is, don’t let shame take control.  If you need help now, get help now.  In Edmonton call the Distress Line.   780-482-HELP.   There are people that care and want to listen.   If you can, find a therapist that can help you through it.  You are worth it.