I love sand sculptures. I love making them. I love spending hours sculpting them. I love how the wet sand moulds and changes as you shape it. I love how if you make a mistake you can just erase it by adding a bit of water. I love making them on the beach surrounded by the vastness of the sky and the overwhelming power of the ocean. Most of all I love that all the hard work is washed away by the tide. Ultimately the beach remains unchanged.
My family was lucky enough to head out on a tropical vacation recently. I was lucky enough to spend hours sculpting sand on a beach. Sometime my children helped. Sometimes they were drawn to playing in the waves. While I was creating my “masterpieces” I spent a lot of time processing the past few months.
Lately, my life has been a bit chaotic. Some of the change has been for the better. There was a change of jobs for both myself and my husband. We invited my husband’s father to come and live with us. Our children are growing and overall we are very happy. But life is not always sunshine and unicorns. Recently we learned again how fragile a sense of peace can be and how little control we really have in our lives.
Despite our best efforts to manage the chaos, the world decided to throw us some curve balls. We experienced the generational transition from child to caregiver. This happened in many areas of our lives. It seemed for a while that all of our friends and family were struggling with health, both emotional and physical. All that helping takes its toll. As a therapist and a Social Worker I have walked with people through chaos. At least theoretically I understand the toll. What I didn’t expect is how hard it is to watch your loved ones struggle when you feel powerless to help.
I often have pretty existential conversations with my clients. They struggle with the big questions: What is the point? What is the point of living? What is the point of trying? What is the point of working so hard? Everyone answers these questions differently. Religion and faith can play a role. Sometimes it is our family that help us find our way. Working towards a goal often helps to define a person and their lives. Still many of my clients come to the conclusion that there is no point. Some find this disturbing. Some find it oddly comforting.
I believe that as human beings we are genetically engineered to find meaning in our lives. I work hard to help people find meaning. That is usually the key to mental health – finding purpose. So it can feel like a failure if I can’t help a client see the point in life.
But on the beach, none of that seems to matter. There is a vastness of space. I am small and seemingly inconsequential to the power of the world around me. Yet the experience makes me feel connected to the ebb and flow of it all. My life and my worries are small. They are important to me but to the universe they are just part of a larger whole.
What is the point of creating a sand sculpture? None really, but there is great beauty in that. It frees me to make mistakes, let go of the outcome and just enjoy the process. We spend so much time trying to hang on to life, to get things done, to be someone important. Ultimately we do all we can to avoid death. We try to fight the tide.
The point is to live, to create and to be present to the grandness of it all. The sand sculptor is only here for a short time but that is the beauty of it.